For the Last Time

I have already had two careers in my lifetime. One as a teacher and another as a mobilizer. I'm ending my teaching career once again. I hope to never return to teaching, at least in the U.S. public school system. There is something that I cannot grapple with in teaching. The fact that it is IMPOSSIBLE to teach every student everything they need to know. I must deal with this nagging feeling of failure everyday. It gnaws at my self-confidence and humbles me to no end. Often it overshadows the joys of connecting with the students who want to learn. It's the perfectionist in me, always looking where it is lacking. It doesn't matter that other people think that I'm a good teacher. That doesn't ease my nagging guilt for having failed. I have come to terms with it somewhat I guess. I know that all I can do is my best.

As I was preparing my lessons yesterday, I felt a sense of finality; how this will be the last time I copied the comprehension assessments for the Open Court Units, how this will be the last time I put up a bulletin board, etc. And today as I look into the faces of my students, I think of how this will be the last class I will teach. I really want to enjoy these last few weeks of teaching and enjoy connecting with my students.