"I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me." -Psalm 3:5

Being the person that I am, my life is hugely dependent on meaning. There were earlier times when I would have rather chosen to end my life than to live without meaning. I sometimes wonder what this means. But there are days when all that is on one's mind is survival. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, feed yourself, drink something, go to the bathroom, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.... Days when the reason for life is not quite clear - you forget, your mind goes blank, you feel that it's there somewhere but you can't quite put your finger on it. You feel that it will come back to you so you just need to get through the day until it does.

Did my life have meaning today? I spent most of the day thinking of ways to keep myself from being exhausted by the heat. That does not sound too meaningful if you ask me. So then was my life a waste today? I just existed and that's okay. I didn't live my life to the full today and that's okay. I survived and that is enough. I am grateful for the sustainance of my life.

I'm afraid that my idealism has succumbed to the daily grind of reality.