"The test of observance of external religious teachings is whether or not our conduct conforms with their decrees. Such conformity is indeed possible.

The test of observance of Christ's teachings is our consciousness of our failure to attain an ideal perfection. The degree to which we draw near this perfection cannot be seen; all we can see is the extent of our deviation.

A man who professes an external law is like someone standing in the light of a lantern fixed to a post. It is light all round him, but there is nowhere further for him to walk. A man who professes the teachings of Christ is like a man carrying a lantern before him on a long, or not so long, pole: the light is in front of him, always lighting up fresh ground and always encouraging him to walk further." -The Kingdom of God Is Within You by Leo Tolstoy

I agree with Tolstoy that Christ's teachings dangle the light of an ideal perfection that cannot be reached, at least not in this lifetime. This is very frustrating. When I first decided to take Christ's teachings seriously and attempt to obey Him, I soon fell into the bitterness of realizing that God's perfection was unattainable. I felt at times that God was toying with me, asking me to pursue and catch the running wind. There are two verses of hope which kept me from giving up.

"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7

"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." -1 John 3:2

So, I am still walking, still on this spiritual journey. It is incredibly humbling.