I had one of the worst teaching days at school today. Then we had more stressful meetings where I was made aware of a new load of stuff to do. Now I am home and I still cannot fully relax. I'm trying to forget the day but I'm afraid to because then I might really forget to do what I need to do and then I would get fired.

Everything takes time. I don't have enough time. I guess not everything will get done. Uh oh.

Not even planning the bridal shower is easy. I don't have anybody's address. Today I got an invite to Erik's cousin's fiancee's bridal shower which is on the same day as mine only one hour apart. Does this mean that I need to change my date? Ugh...

I need some good food.

Last week was bad, mostly due to my own bad attitude towards everything. I just wanted to shut down, close the blinds, lock the doors, turn off the phone, and crash into my bed for several months. I could not motivate myself to do anything for work or wedding. When Friday rolled around, I ran out of school as soon as I could, drove home like a maniac, and crawled into bed...for a whole thirty minutes. I wanted to sleep more but I had to go pick up Li-li at her daycare and then to Bible study. I fought down my whiny, grumpy physical body with some Starbuck's tall toffee nut latte and went to Bible study because I thought maybe my bad attitude was a spiritual problem. Graham talked about having eternal liberty in Christ.

Today I went to school and I was in good spirits especially for a monday morning. My attitude had readjusted enough to motivate me to work without griping. I'm not sure that there was anything specific from Bible study or even the Sunday morning message that impacted me but I think just having my mind renewed with God's word was good for me. Hopefully this week will be better.

I feel incredibly busy these days with work and wedding plans. I feel physically exhausted but mentally alert. With all these things to do, I've been sensing need for greater organization in my life so I keep a journal just for organization needs and ideas. It's annoying that it has come to this but it frees my short-term memory from having to memorize numerous details. There is a greater sense of productivity which is good I guess, but I long to be laze around and relax for awhile.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." - Psalm 62:1,2

Erik and I had our first premarital counseling at Calvary Chapel last Saturday and it turns out that we are not holy enough. Our answer of reading the Bible together once a week at the Bible Study and praying together about twice a month was not satisfactory to our pastor so he told us to go purchase a couple's devotional and encouraged us to try to pray together everyday because whatever spiritual habits we have now will carry on into our marriage. Then he asked us when our wedding was to which he replied, "Oh, that is very soon," which implied that we should get our butts moving fast on improving our spiritual habits. Do most Christian married couples really do daily devotionals together? Anyways, we have obliged to his request. It's interesting, this whole process of two becoming one.

I have less than three months left now before my wedding day and I'm beginning to feel the pressure. I keep telling myself that everything that needs to get done will get done to keep myself from freaking out. Although I feel that I have been pretty diligent in my preparations, the list of things to do just seem to get longer and more detailed and I am not naturally good with details. I guess a slight panic attack every now and then is pretty normal for a bride to be, right? I can't wait until Susan gets back to so she can help me create more lists. She did a pretty good job for my Chicago trip. I am so weary from all the decision making I am forced to do throughout this whole process. I can't wait until this is all over and I can stop making decisions for the rest of my life! Oops, sorry, I guess I just had another freak out moment.

I was at Borders a few days ago just browsing by myself and bought a few items to entertain and amuse myself. I'm listening to one of them right now, "Sympathique" by Pink Martini. Joo, it has the slow instrumental version of the song that we heard in the movie "The Girl From Paris". The overfriendly effeminate male cashier told me that they just got a new shipment in and that everyone was looking for it during Christmas. I must say that I am not disappointed. The other amusing item is a week by week calendar called "The Worst-Case Scenario 2004 Survival Calendar". Let me leave you with a few lines from the introduction.

"It's a whole new year - who knows what it holds in store?

Disasters lurk around every corner. From sledding mishaps in January to hurricanes in July to parade balloon disasters in November, there's a whole year of peril out there waiting for you.

But we can't spend today worrying about tomorrow. Better to face the day head on - with the courage, strength, and knowledge to take on (or fend off) whatever is thrown our way, no matter the season.

After all, life is the ultimate adventure. Live it well. Be prepared. And laugh in the face of danger."

Happy New Year!

Our time in Chicago was busy as expected. Here are the highlights from the trip:

1. Erik saw falling snow for the first time in his life.
2. I saw most of my cousins except for two, Su and Alice. My cousin Dan is dating a Chinese-American girl named Eva because he says that Korean-American girls are annoying. We played an exciting game of Taboo and watched "The Princess Bride" which some of my cousins have never heard of before due to their youth.
3. We spent time with Jessica, Juan, and Juan Jr. Juan Jr. had more fun playing with the box than the toy. He is huge for a one and a half year old and can walk and run perfectly balanced!
4. We ate lunch with Sherman and Scott at my favorite Thai restaurant for twenty minutes.
5. We met the pastor who will perform our marriage ceremony. He was in his late thirties and easy to talk to.
6. We met with the wedding reception coordinator and decided on the cake and menu. Well, I did most of the deciding.
7. We met with the photographer and decided on our package and our look - natural and artistic.
8. I met with the florist with my sister and decided on the flowers - yellow french tulips, white peonies, and small pale blue flowers that I've never heard of before.
9. I got an extensive lecture on kitchenware from my sister Young Mi who critiqued my bridal registry brutally.
10. Just hanging out with my family members. My nephew Garrett really liked Erik and would not even let him use the bathroom in peace. I also got to hear firsthand some of the problems that's been going on in our family. Family is not perfect but it's still nice to have them around.