I don't do it on purpose but some holidays are just in your face and make you think about them so during my early morning drives to work this week I gave some thought to the Thanksgiving holiday. My first thoughts were actually cynical (which can't be helped when you lack sleep) such as 'How did the Thanksgiving holiday begin? Is it a religious holiday? Was there really friendly pilgrims and indians who got along long enough to celebrate Thanksgiving together? We know how the indians were treated in American history. Did Hallmark come up with Thanksgiving?' If you've ever wondered about the origin of Thanksgiving here's some information. It said that the pilgrims were thankful just to be alive after their arduous journey from England. I like that. It's simple. Chuck Missler, a Bible teacher, also wrote two articles about Thanksgiving, "The First Thanksgiving" and "Thanksgiving".

My next thought was more positive, I was glad that I had someOne who I can thank instead of just having a thankful attitude for good things. The word that came to me eventually for this Thanksgiving is contentment. It's a great word. I associate the word with Billy Joel because I saw an interview he had awhile ago where he was asked if he was happy now and he answered, "Happiness is an extreme emotion just like sadness. I would say that I am content." The Bible also comes to mind so I looked up some verses.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who give me strength." - Philippians 4:11-13

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." - 1Timothy 6:6-10

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" - Hebrews 13:5

The Webster's New World Dictionary defines contented as "having or showing no desire for something more or different; satisfied." I hope you have a satisfied Thanksgiving Day! If nothing else, in your stomach.

I had lunch with Jason today and now am listening gleefully to his "Flaming Lips: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" cd. Susan has been cooking and stamping all day. We will join others at Sunhee's tonight for our Thanksgiving dinner. Thank God for friends who cook! Thank God also for the awesome weather today, sunny with blue skies!

During lunch time today, the cafeteria lady passed out two packages of cranberries to all the teachers for this month's nutrition lesson. I have seen cranberries before thanks to Joo who used it to bake something last Thanksgiving but was dumbfounded as the realization that I would have to do something with it came. I quickly asked my fellow teachers what needed to be done with these cranberries and they told me that I am supposed to take it home and cook it. "Cook it? How?" They gave me a verbal direction and then showed me the recipe attached to the package. Fortunately the recipe only had three ingredients and looked manageable. After my simple stirfry dinner, I tackled the cranberries before the feeling of absolute dread of trying a new recipe came over me. I wasn't sure when it was finally done but after giving it a self tasting test I assumed that I got it right because it actually tasted pretty good; wow, a new recipe success that I had to try and a new experienced gained because of my job.

While on the topic of cooking...Susan and I have not been able to make rice at home as conveniently since Joo moved and took her sophisticated rice cooker with a timer with her. Susan made rice in a pot once but I'm afraid that I may burn the pot or worse. So for dinner tonight I used one of those microwavable rice packages bought from the Korean market to eat with the simple stirfry I cooked. It didn't taste like normal home cooked rice. It had this plastic taste to it. I guess we should purchase a rice cooker soon.

This week I tried showering in the evening once but got up the next day with a really funky hair style that I had to wet down and style which took up a lot of time in the morning so I'm back to morning showers. I've been tired all week so today I took an hour nap after school and wanted to go to bed at 9 P.M. but ended up spending over two hours booking a flight to Chicago for Christmas and reserving a rental car. Now it is almost midnight. Ugh...

The earthworms are a hit with the students. They love them. They love digging through the dirt to look for them, picking them up, letting them slither around on their palms, feeding them leaves, etc. I found out that you have to spray their soil habitat with aged water (two days old) and not straight from the faucet water.

The wedding plans are coming along nicely. So far we have the church, reception site, and photographer reserved. Now I need to look for some musicians and a DJ. Any suggestions for music?

Monday mornings are so hard. Sleeping in for just two days during the weekend totally spoils me and it's such a dread to get up early on Monday mornings so I skipped my routine morning shower to get half an hour of extra snooze. After the students left, I and two other third grade teachers made our earthworm habitat. We each have over fifty earthworms in our classrooms now as part of our city wildlife science project. I dislike touching animals in general and I have no intention of touching the earthworms, they gross me out. I must really love my students. I hope they don't die overnight. After work, I headed over to the library to borrow books on (you guessed it) earthworms. Oh, the joys and exciting life of a teacher =D

As I was sitting in the theatre watching "Love Actually" I felt myself choke up and tear during one of the scenes. Earlier that morning when Susan had shown me the album she made for her brother and his new wife, I choked up and cried because I was so touched by Susan's love for her brother and the beauty of the scrapbook. It suddenly dawned on me that I had shed tears of joy twice in one day. Maybe it's age or maybe it's being in love or maybe it's another sign of healing because in the past I have only shed tears of pain and my heart for the most part remained unmoved by deep happiness due to the loss of my mom. Whatever it is, it's a good change.

Well, it's day two of working and it hasn't been too bad. I've been waking up at 6 A.M. and can function normally throughout the day while the students are there but once they're out the door my body quickly remembers its longing for more rest in sleep. Most of my students are genuinely glad to be back in school and a couple have told me that they had fun before leaving for home which really makes all the time and energy spent worth it. I was pleasantly surprised to find that seventy-five percent of my students actually did their vacation homework (reading, writing, cursive, and math) especially since another teacher had told me that she had four kids turn in their vacation homework last year. I guess working is not too bad. It gives me a reason to wake up and expand my energy. Oh yeah, and it pays the bills. Working also forces me to think ahead like preparing lunch for the next day, picking out an outfit for the next day, planning out what I need to do and when I can do it. I have to go now and cut some multiplication test papers so I can make the self test centers tomorrow at school.

Today is the last day of my vacation. Sad. Tomorrow I hope to wake up at 6 A.M. I will really miss sleeping in everyday. I am looking forward to seeing my students though. Into the world of teaching I plunge once again.

I received another renewal offer from Bally's in the mail. I didn't renew my contract this year because I dislike the ordeal of going to the gym so they lowered my membership fee to $68 for a year and it still was not incentive enough for me. Instead I purchased the Lateral Thigh Trainer online. Maybe you have also seen the informercial. It looks like the stepper except that it not only goes up and down but also side to side to trim those obliques and thighs. I have been eyeing this one for months already and watched the informercial numerous times and upon each viewing became more and more convinced that this machine will motivate me to exercise regularly. I like the fact that it provides a cardio workout and toning at the same time. The machine is small but looks sturdy and can be used at home while watching television or listening to your own music of choice. Yeah, so I ordered it. We'll have to see if I actually use it more than the Bally's membership.

Last week I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond to do my bridal registry. I had begun my registry online, with Susan's help and guidance, to avoid feeling overwhelmed at the store. The only time I go to Bed, Bath & Beyond is when I need to buy wedding gifts where you are given a list of things you can buy and then can be directed to exactly where the item you want is located in the gigantic store. Jesga accompanied me for the event since she has marital experience, had much more knowledge about household products and what I will be needing in the future. We were armed with the registry gun to scan any item my heart desired and were guided to the starting point, the household gadgets section, which the sales lady recommended starting because it was the most complicated part. As we began strolling down the aisles Jesga pointed out the spice racks. I have never owned a spice rack and had fared well so far in life so I was hesitant about scanning it in but was soon lured in by the spinning motion of the shiny individually labeled spices and was soon convinced that I will be in dire need of all these spices when I cook someday. We were off to a great start albeit slow, each time Jesga pointed out something that she thought I should register for I would stare at the product, envision myself using it, look at all the varieties, then finally scan one in. At one point I asked Jesga, "Are you sure I'm going to be needing all this stuff? I don't even cook." "Oh, you will," was her reply. We spent nealy two hours in the store and I was tired and ready to leave. When we walked out of the store, I felt relieved which surprised me since I do enjoy shopping and that was shopping where I spent no money that other people are going to buy for me. Am I ready to become domesticated? It was a bit stressful because I don't know where I'm going to be living once I get married and I had to envision how I wanted to decorate a place that I don't have. It also forced me to face my biggest fear in getting married which is cooking every single day after day after day. I should ask people to give me simple, easy, delicious recipes for the bridal shower so Erik and I don't starve.

Last Friday, I purchased and brought home my wedding dress at David's Bridal. They happened to have it in my size and color that day. It's the first wedding dress shop I have ever entered into. Although I have never even imagined myself in a wedding dress, I have gone to plenty of weddings to know what they generally look like and decided to stay away from the poofy, the strapless, and the sequins or beads of any kind. I didn't want to be one of those brides who feel rock hard when you hug them because of all the decorations on their bodice. I just wanted something simple and within my budget. Thanks to a recently married couple in our Bible study, I even got a $100 in store credit towards my gown.

Over the weekend I saw four ladies whom I haven't seen in awhile and they all said that they couldn't believe that I was getting married. This has been the most common response I receive from people when they find out that I am engaged. It makes me wonder why it is so beyond belief that I am getting married. One friend said that it was because she has never heard me talk about getting married so she just assumed that I did not want to get married. Another person commented that she could not imagine me being lovey-dovey with a guy. I thought I had come to terms with my womanhood awhile back and some men have even told me that I was feminine in the past so I don't know why it is so difficult to imagine. Maybe it is because I am so not domesticated. For the most part my attitude towards marriage has been, 'If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.' I guess that's just too nonchalant for most people.

When I woke up this morning under my warm down comforter, I realized it would be another chilly day and decided to stay in bed. I picked up Frederick Buechner's The Sacred Journey and began to read while listening to the soothing sound of the gentle rainfall. I read the poem on the bookmark I picked up in NYC at a tea store in China Town.

Tea Poem by Lu Torng, 1835, China

First cup souses lip and throat;
Second cup relieves loneliness and worries;
Third cup burgeons thoughts and words;
Fourth cup flushes out complaints and anger;
Fifth cup cleans muscles and bones;
Sixth cup purifies heart and soul;
Seventh cup may be declined;
It will fly you like a kite.

I have never drank that much tea and coffee is my drink of choice which I'm certain will fly you like a kite if you drank seven cups. Maybe it's just the simple act of sitting still while drinking tea that's beneficial. I must admit that it is difficult to be still. "Be still and know that I am God." Maybe I should try communing with God while drinking a lot of tea to help me be still.

"It was the face, the surface, that interested me then at the age of thirteen, and I have wondered since how much this may have been Naya's influence because for her too it was the outward and visible oddities of people that she delighted in and was so good at caricaturing. And I have wondered, too, if for both of us this was a way of steering clear of the inward invisibleness beneath the face because there was so much more down there than either of us could well cope with, she because she was too old, I suppose, and I because I was too young."

I can see myself in Naya. I too am fascinated with the outward and visible oddities of people. It amuses me. I also steer clear of the inward invisibleness of people for the most part because I don't cope well. What is my reason? I am weak and cannot help anyone. I am tired from my own aching heart. Many times I just don't want to care but this never happens or at least not for long. Therefore, being a Christian is excellent because I can just unload all my burdens as well as others burdens onto Jesus and ask him to cover me.