5 things only a few people know about me

1. I have a big mole on the back of my neck.
2. I like to head bang to Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor.
3. I hate losing but don't get upset or show it when I do.
4. My idea of hell used to be a room full of dogs.
5. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I finish reading a book: I read a children's book for instant gratification.

"The test of observance of external religious teachings is whether or not our conduct conforms with their decrees. Such conformity is indeed possible.

The test of observance of Christ's teachings is our consciousness of our failure to attain an ideal perfection. The degree to which we draw near this perfection cannot be seen; all we can see is the extent of our deviation.

A man who professes an external law is like someone standing in the light of a lantern fixed to a post. It is light all round him, but there is nowhere further for him to walk. A man who professes the teachings of Christ is like a man carrying a lantern before him on a long, or not so long, pole: the light is in front of him, always lighting up fresh ground and always encouraging him to walk further." -The Kingdom of God Is Within You by Leo Tolstoy

I agree with Tolstoy that Christ's teachings dangle the light of an ideal perfection that cannot be reached, at least not in this lifetime. This is very frustrating. When I first decided to take Christ's teachings seriously and attempt to obey Him, I soon fell into the bitterness of realizing that God's perfection was unattainable. I felt at times that God was toying with me, asking me to pursue and catch the running wind. There are two verses of hope which kept me from giving up.

"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7

"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is." -1 John 3:2

So, I am still walking, still on this spiritual journey. It is incredibly humbling.

"I'm so tired...and sad that Korea lost. But man, they really outdid THE WORLD'S expectations of them! Did you watch ANY of the games??? You ex-Korean you...." -Jean

Most of my coworkers have been following the Korean team throughout the World Cup. They wake up at 4:30AM or stay awake until 3AM and then come into work with puffy eyes from the lack of sleep. However, their sleep depravity gets balanced out with the adrenaline rush they receive from the Korean team victories. Alas, they lost at the semi-finals to Germany, 1-0, this morning.

Jean is a die hard Korean fan. She cries every time she sees the Korean delegates march at the Olympics opening ceremony. If it's U.S. versus Korea, she'll be rooting for Korea hands down. I, on the other hand, root for the U.S.

I did watch parts of two games against Italy and Spain. I couldn't sit through the whole thing. It takes so long for the teams to score. I must admit that I was more proud of what the LA Times reported about Koreans after the games than the fact that Korea was winning. The LAPD was quoted saying that there were no arrests, no riots, and that the streets were cleaner after the game than before. Now that makes me proud!

"This is the men's section. The women's selections are on the other wall." -Jo

After celebrating Nan's birthday at the Curry House yesterday, a few of us went shopping at the South Coast Plaza. We went to Gymboree and Baby Gap to buy a gift. Then we headed over to Sephora for some make-up to beautify ourselves. Alongside the wall in Sephora, there are the letters of the alphabet that represent a product. L...stands for Lauren, all lighted up. Of course I was drawn to that part of the store in my vanity and decided to try out some new perfume. First, I tried on "Romance" by Ralph Lauren. 'Hmmm...smells different from what I remember, much more musk.' Next, I tried on a French perfume. 'Yuck! It smells like medicine!' Desperately I look around for another perfume to cover the nasty odor. Jo walks by and I comment to her about the awful scent. I was in the wrong section of the store and had tried on men's cologne!

"I think it's pink eye." -Susan

Tuesday night at small group, my vision started blurring and my eyes began to itch. As soon as I got home, I took out my contact lens and looked at my right eye peering an inch away from the mirror. It was very pink. I looked at my left eye and examined its surface - smooth. Next my right eye - bumpy and mushy. Yuck! Just a week ago I told my coworkers that I've never had pink eye when Sang's entire family took turns passing it around to each other.

Suddenly I felt very happy. I'm sick! And with an infectious disease! I don't have to wake up early the next day to go to work! Yay!

"Most often, I go back to the ten-page wisdom tract called Ecclesiastes, which is the Greek word for 'preacher,' but can also mean teacher, spokesman, philosopher, or pundit. Sheer bracing delight is the reason: Ecclesiastes does me good. What he says, sadly and beautifully, about the pain of brainwork (the more you know, the more it hurts), about the boredom of the supposedly interesting and the hollowness of acclaimed achievement (all pointless! like trying to grasp the wind!), about the crazy-quilt character of life, about our ignorance of what God is up to, and about death as life's solitary certainty, grabs me deep down. I felt all this as an adolescent, and I still do.

What he says about life's best being an enjoyment of the basics - one's work, meals, marriage - makes me want to laugh and cheer, for this, too, is what I have felt all my adult life. My built-in makeup as an anti-Pollyanna, reality man anchors me in
Ecclesiastes' corner, where realism is the name of the game. I know, of course, that feelings, in the sense of emotionally charged intuitions - especially gloomy ones - can be quite unrealistic. So it gives me a large charge to fine that some of my own deepest reactions belong to biblical wisdom." -J.I. Packer Answers Questions For Today

I, too, discovered Ecclesiates as a teenager. It is my most read and favorite book in the Bible. It resonates within me as truth about life. Who knew I was a realist?

"Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't wanna see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye" -Kite from All That You Can't Leave Behind by U2

I hate goodbyes.

Peter, Rea, and Ella left for New Jersey yesterday morning to start their new lives. Their flight was a 8AM. I woke up and thought about how they should have gotten on the plane by now and hoped Ella was doing well on her first flight. All day long they were in my thoughts and prayers: they're passing over Grand Canyon...hope Ella is sleeping...they're passing over Chicago, my hometown...Peter and Rea have never been to Chicago...they should've arrived in New Jersey...they should be at Peter's sister's house...hope they sleep well, especially Ella...good night....

All in all I think I must've have prepared for their departure for the past four months since the first time Rea told me that they were moving for sure. She showed me pictures of their new house and I imagined them living there. We talked about the adjustments she'd have to go through, especially social adjustments.

The day before they left, Joo, Susan, Hannah, and I had lunch with Rea and Ella. Rea almost cried a few times. Then Peter, Rea, and Ella joined us for dinner at Islands so we got to see them again. I know that this is not goodbye. I will probably see them again. But it's still sad. I couldn't cry until they were actually gone. Does parting with loved ones ever get any easier?

"I have no idea what you just said." -me

In comes Emily this morning to the office, greeting me in a flurry of French that my still drowsy mind cannot comprehend. Finally, she slows it down for me, phrase by phrase, and I am able to understand what she is saying. My French lesson for the day.

I read the French blogspot I found on blogger. He didn't update since yesterday. So I read the previous one out loud just to practice reading it, only able to comprehend about 50 percent of what he wrote.

I listen to my new french cd, "Un Homme et Une Femme", that Jason gave me last night. They repeat the same song five times in the cd: faster, slower, without words, with words, with speech. I wasn't concentrating hard enough to comprehend the French.

"We all need someone to look at us. We can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under.

The first category longs for the look of an infinite number of anonymous eyes, in other words, for the look of the public.

The second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked at by many known eyes. They are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and dinners. They are happier than the people in the first category, who, when they lose their public, have the feeling that the lights have gone out in the room of their lives. This happens to nearly all of them sooner or later. People in the second category, on the other hand, can always come up with the eyes they need.

Then there is the third category, the category of people who need to be constantly before the eyes of the person they love. Their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category. One day the eyes of their beloved will close, and the room will go dark.

And finally there is the fourth category, the rarest, the category of people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present. They are the dreamers." -The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

I finally finished the book. You'll get your book back soon Nick! Thanks for sharing! So, which category do you belong to? Which category do you think I belong to?

"I think you should pick up basketball." -Joann

I had a very athletic weekend.

Saturday, I went to Hermosa Beach with Susan to watch the AVP Beach Volleyball Tournament, third year in a row. I sit in the cold metal bleachers with my eyes taking in the game and I think, 'I love living in Southern California. Life is good.' The weather was better this year. The sun actually came out and stayed so it wasn't too cold. Still I went prepared this year in jeans instead of shorts and a long sleeve shirt instead of a tank top. We saw two matches: one women's and one men's. The men's match went to three sets, very close. E. Fonoi and Holdren won the first set, but Kiraly and Doble came back and won the next two.

At night, Hannah, Joo, and I went down to UCI to watch Nick accompany Wendy in her recital. They played Brahms Piano Quartet No. 2 in A major, Op.26. Good playing Nick!

Sunday, I went to church early with Susan. We met up with Eugene at Starbuck's and had cafe latte before service which helped me to be alert. After service, I had lunch with small group people at Fashion Island Atrium court. Then went to NewSong volleyball with Joann. Not too many people showed up so I just peppered with Andrew for about 40 minutes. Then went to NewSong basketball league with Joann to support her. It was her first time playing there and there aren't too many women players. In fact, she was the only girl who played while we were there. We went early to scope out the competition. I sat through 2 and a half games, about 3 hours. Joann and I shot around in between games and I actually did pretty well. It makes a lot of difference playing with the women's basketball. I really enjoyed it. Hmmm... Should I attempt to pick up basketball?

"6:23 AM" -my alarm clock

I had a very emotional dream today and woke up before my alarm even went off. I didn't get up of course. Instead, I lay there thinking about the dream and committing it to memory. I dream every night. I dream many dreams every night. I dream in color.

I only committed to memory the parts that seemed important to me. I saw Hannah getting ready to cross the street. Hannah is 6 years old. She was all dressed up in a pretty polkodot dress with a pale yellow bow in her hair. She had on one of those ruffled white socks with lace trimming and sandal. It was a small side street but traffic was pretty continous. We were trying to help her cross the street but only verbally. When she finally crossed the street, she was met by my Grandpa. They started playing together and then Hannah turned into a 6 years old me. I remembered how my Grandpa used to play with me when I was little. (This is the first time I've drempt about him since he passed away last August.) We were laughing together. I felt safe and happy.

Then my Mom came by and tapped the adult me watching from across the street on the shoulder. "There's someone at the house." I immediately turned around and started walking with her towards the house because I understood it to mean that this stranger was Caucasian and she needed help communicating with him. As we walked, I kept wondering where the house was. The neighborhood was unfamiliar to me. I figured my Mom knew where she was going. Then I realized that she didn't know where the house was. Because she didn't have a house. "I didn't know that I had died. I'm so sorry," she started crying. "It's ok, Mom. It's ok," I hugged her neck and started weeping too. We cried and cried and cried deeply. "Live well. Live well," she kept telling me.

Then in my dream, I woke up in my house. I was weeping still and groaning. I felt emotionally exhausted.

"Yay!!!" -me

I was finally able to sign up for comments with YAACS today! It took me four days because they can only accept 25 newcomers every 6 hours and those spots get snatched up in 3 minutes. But it looks great. I like it better than the last comment site I used. Take a look and leave me a comment =D

"Are you a vegetarian?" -almost every time I meet someone new and eat together for the first time

It happened again today for the umpteenth time. I went to Santa Monica with Susan to have lunch with Sharon who just finished DTS with YWAM. It was work related so we took a long lunch. I met Sharon before but this was the first time we ate together. As we were deciding on which restaurant to go to, she told us about this great chicken pasta at Hurry Curry. "Oh, I can't have that cos I don't eat chicken." "Oh, are you a vegetarian?"

No, I am not a vegetarian. I eat seafood (which is meat), eggs, and dairy products. I also own leather purses, belts, shoes, and suede pants. I do not eat beef, poultry, or pork because i dislike their texture and they do not taste good to me. This has been my diet since birth. I don't like the fact that I am such a picky eater. I wish I was one of those people who could eat anything and everything. I feel bad when I'm a guest and the host prepares food I don't eat. Even if I force myself to eat it, it's difficult to display a facial expression of enjoyment. Overall I like my diet because it is healthy, except for my coffee addiction.

We ended up going to Hurry Curry and I had their tomato sauce pasta with zucchini. It was good because it was buttery. Susan ordered the chicken pasta and I actually tried a piece of the chicken because she said it was really good. It didn't kill me or make me gag.

"What's your comfort food? It's what you crave on a damp, dreary day and yearn for to help forget about spurned love or work stress. It's the food of childhood -- real or imagined -- and it can still make almost any day feel just a little bit better. Whatever strikes the chord, this remains certain: Comfort foods foster fond memories, evoke a sense of calm and transcend passing fashion and cooking trends." -ivillage.com

Here's my comfort foods list, in no particular order:

Starbuck's iced grande caramel macchiato
Starbuck's iced grande white chocolate mocha
Lollicup Tapioca Milk Tea
Tappioca Express Strawberry Milk Tea with Tapioca
shrimp fried rice
pad thai and thai iced coffee from Siam's House in Niles, IL
pad khee mao with tofu from Saladang in Pasadena, CA
spicy crab soup (reminds me most of Mom)
blueberries
strawberry smoothie (best made by Peter Kang)
pasta in tomato sauce with generous portions of garlic (best homemade by me)
almond milk steamer
cafe latte
chamomile tea
Fosselmen's ice cream - burgundy cherry
edamame
tofu

"Mike Bibby became a man during this series."

"Lakers won because they have more experience." -Coworkers

I'm no basketball fan and definitely not a Lakers fan although I live in LA County. But even I know that the Lakers/Kings series in the western conference finals was awesome. It was exciting to watch the teams compete not knowing what to expect. They ended the game 7, 4th quarter 100/100 going into overtime. It was interesting to see some players rise to the occasion and others not. Is it really the mental game that made the difference?