absolute dependence

Being a mom has definitely made me more dependent on God. I have no confidence in myself as a mom. Sure, I would love the world to think that I'm a good mother like I know what I'm doing but that isn't the reality. My main concern is that Kylie is safe and healthy and I am pleasantly surprised when something goes right. There are new challenges that arise everyday and just when I think I've figured out Kylie's pattern (eating, sleeping, pooping, crying, etc.) she becomes unpredictable. Everyday and every night I pray for God to give me the love, strength, and wisdom to take good care of Kylie. I cannot do it in my own strength. I need to receive from God.

Kylie is absolutely dependent on me and Erik to take care of her - to feed her, to keep her clean, to put her to sleep, to entertain her, to comfort her, etc. And she seems to have unquestionable confidence in us to meet all of her needs. There is no sense of anxiety in her.

She depends on us, we depend on God. Thank goodness we're not left on our own to fend for ourselves.

Dethroned

As I was pulling over Kylie's new Princess onesie over her small head, it dawned on me that I have been dethroned from my princess position. Although I would like to think that now that there is a new princess in our family that I can be the queen, the reality is that I am now just a humble servant of the new princess. Maybe one day I can be promoted to queen status when she's a little older...maybe...

Surviving Motherhood

Before I gave birth to my own baby daughter, I was able to play with other people's kids and hand them back to their parents when they started crying or getting fussy. Now I get to hold the cute little crying fussy baby for hours and try to comfort her.

Just recently I've been able to enjoy being a mom. It happened when Kylie turned 11 weeks old. She was finally able to pass gas and poop without pain or discomfort. She used to wail with pain for upwards of three hours at a time before and it broke my heart because there was nothing we could do for her but wait it out. She is also sleeping longer. Instead of getting up every two to three hours at night, she gets up every four to five hours. And that extra sleep makes a huge difference in my mental and emotional happiness. She is much more interactive too - smiling and cooing to us. I just melt when she flashes one of her pure happiness smiles.