Working

I went to work today. Wait, I should say, I went to work at a paying job, since being a stay at home mom doesn't pay me. I am now a private tutor. It's ideal because it doesn't require a lot of time. I'm testing the waters to see how my kids will react to my absence.

On the drive back home, I couldn't help feeling that tutoring was so much more relaxing than taking care of my two young daughters. I needed to get a job to relax.

Any Day Now

I've been on bedrest since January 8th due to early term labor. Today I saw my doctor and she said that I'm going to probably have the baby soon because I am having contractions. I can't really tell because they are not at all painful. She said it might get worse even tonight. It's safe to have the baby now since I just hit the full-term mark. Oh, the anticipation...

We will soon be a family of four. Wow.

I'm looking forward to finally meeting baby number two and not being pregnant. But I am not looking forward to going through the c-section surgery, the recovery, the sleepless nights, and Kylie's jealousy. Everyone tells me that going from one to two kids more than doubles the work. I have bunch of realists for family and friends, no one even tries to sugar coat it for me. Sigh...

But I'm sure all the work is worth it. Even now it's such a joy watching Kylie grow. I especially love cuddling with her everyday, it's instant happiness.

Scruffy

[from A Perfect Mess, by Eric Abrahamson and David H. Freedman]

“What is it in your office environment that helps you figure out how to pick up where you left off or to being a new task, when you’re interrupted, leave the office, or finish a task? “Neats,” he’s [researcher David Kirsch] found, depend on a small number of “explicit coordinating structures” such as lists, day planners, and in-boxes to quickly and surely determine what to do next. Scruffies, on the other hand, are “data driven” — that is they don’t explicitly plan out and specify what they do but instead rely on the office environment to give them clues and prompts, in the form of documents lying on the desk, files piled up on top of the filing cabinet, comments scribbled on envelopes, Post-it notes (which , surprisingly, many Neats disdain) stuck here and there, books left open on the floor, and so forth.”

What do you know? I’m a Scruffy. I am an out of sight, out of mind type of person. I wonder if I can learn to be a Neat. I don’t do well with lists because if I write down every single little thing that I need to do, it would take several pages, which would make me feel overwhelmed, which leads to avoidance. I know day planners don’t work for me because although I own one, most of the pages are blank. I tried the in-box method a few years ago and found that I ended up just piling stuff on there and then forgetting about it. I think I have a better chance of just accepting the fact that I’m a Scruffy and develop more organized physical cues to remind myself on task.

Simple Living

Unclutter: rid of obstructions

Simplify: to make less complex or complicated; make plainer or easier

These are words that have been in my mind recently. Since the pregnancy and birth of our precious daughter, we have been accumulating more things than ever before. In my closet, I have a myriad of clothes from size zero to extra large pregnancy shirts and every size in between which I call my transitional clothes. Also stored in my closet are our daughter’s clothes that are too big for her now that she may fit into in the near future so I don’t want to forget that we have them by putting them away because these days out of sight means out of mind. Add in the less time I have to devote to cleaning and it’s a wonder that every nook and cranny of our house is not filled with stuff.

Today I cleared out a corner of my desk in my attempt to simplify. It's just a corner but it feels great looking at the desk and not the visual obstructions there.

People vs. Things

As I scooted off my seat trying to latch on Kylie’s car seat back into position, I heard an unsettling cracking sound behind me. Sure enough I had pressed against the back of the driver’s seat pouch with my rear and damaged my expensive polarized sunglasses which I’ve had for less than a year. I felt exasperated because it was the best pair of sunglasses I’ve ever owned in terms of style and vision. How could I be so careless?

I knew Erik would be annoyed because he is financially minded and he paid a good amount of money for the sunglasses. He said I should think before I act. Then I could have avoided ruining the sunglasses. I snapped that I was losing my mind due to sleep deprivation and therefore could not think properly.

What’s more important: people or things? Most material objects we use today are not made to last forever. Cell phones breakdown after two years. We need to buy new cars every seven years or so. Women perpetually buy shoes and clothes. Sunglasses are misplaced about once a year. So why get so upset over things, especially at people? Things can be replaced. People cannot.

We got home and Erik took Kylie out so I could take a much needed nap. When they got back, I asked where they went and I found out that Erik went to the see if he could buy me another pair of the exact same sunglasses. Although the store didn’t carry them anymore, I was deeply moved. He cares about me more than money.

Favorite Song

A friend of ours has an adorable two year old son. He talks a lot but I can't always understand him. For instance, when I asked him what he had for lunch, he enthusiastically replied, "Pista!" Translation: pizza. Well, he has a favorite song he likes to sing again and again these days so we asked him to sing it for us. With a cute little smile in his cute little voice he sang,

"The itchy bitchy spider went up the water spout.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
And the itchy bitchy spider went up the spout again."

Birthday

This year's birthday is a significant one in that from now on I will live more of my life without having my mom being a part of it. It's been over half of my lifetime ago since she passed away. Also, it's my first birthday as a mom. It was exactly a year ago when I found out that we were pregnant. Kylie is the best birthday present I could have asked for. Experiencing this mother and daughter relationship is healing some of my emotional wound from the loss of my mom. All the love I have for my mom is somehow being merged into my love for my daughter and is being expressed in and poured into her life.